caught wedding game with germainefool today. and she's late, as usual. but her mom cooked for us and the portion was super huge. wedding game's okay, there were some quite funny scenes when they were fighting, but once they got over that then it started to get boring. and its weird walking around a shopping centre where 3/4 of the shops are closed.

well new year's been sucky so far. it feels weird when people send me messages wishing me happy new year blah blah and i reply back with the same thing when it doesnt feel that way. at all. new year doesnt even feel like new year.

16PF's right, i want to give people the impression that im cheerful and all. and the keyword's want. cos i sure dont feel that way now. i just feel like screaming and cursing for no apparent reason cos my mood's really foul now and i feel like biting whoever comes on way. the feeling sucks.

im trying really hard okay. im trying to keep myself occupied and use all the excess restless energy. but dont push it.

what do you look like when you loved someone? is there even supposed to be a look? and whats the big hoo-rah about what you put on your profile? i dont understand from what shes formed her opinion of me, cos we sure haven had a lot of interaction. i hate it when people who dont know me label me.

went to watch love matters and changeling. now im only left with the wedding game. and it better be nice. haha. love matters was okay, its like, totally not new year show lor. the middle part was so scary and bleak and all, but yeah, it has a happy ending la. changeling's really nice in the chim and lit way. i see a lot of literary device being used. lol. and i was crying like shiat in the cinema when angelina jolie had to go through all that crap looking for her son. but its not exactly a happy ending aye. they didnt say whether she found him and they should what. since its a true story and it happened so long ago. and zc totally didnt cry at all. so cold blooded zzz. lol.




and its really hard going out cos theres practically nothing i can eat. everything's either fried or oily or has milk in it. -.- and its reunion dinner later and theres bound to be heaps and heaps and more heaps of unhealthy food and i guess i'll just take plain rice (not). and anyway did i mention there were ants in my cough syrup. like omg fucking gross. i almost died looking at the thing and its freaking ridiculous cos its alr my third bottle and its the first time i see ants around it. and i think my bag must be ant-infested too.

and omg i hate big dinners. cos right now everyone's here and my cousin keeps on asking me how long im going to use the comp for. its driving me nuts seriously.

so tadah, being the good cousin i am, i'm going to let him use the comp now. -.-

this week has been a long week, with the constant cough and the trainings and getting back of r papers and lots and lots of lectures&tutorials and cny celebration.
im sort of glad that its coming to an end cos that means now i'll have a four-day holiday. (: and i'll skip two days of the waking up at 530 just to go to school routine.

and today's been hell since i woke up cos im experiencing my on-off body temperature changes again. so my jacket goes on for maybe 5 mins and then come off and then goes back on again, and i just keep repeating the action. and to add on to it. im having terrible cramps.

yes. its the day 1 thing again.

the pain just makes me want to roll on the floor or scream or just maybe doing both at the same time. i want to sleep off the pain but its impossible to fall asleep with the constant aching.

and vj's coming up with all these disciplinary rules and i swear its going to turn into the second zhs soon. whats up with the tied hair and the no velcro shoes and the no big earrings and no skirt above four fingers thing. its so freaking ridiculous i tell you. and theres this rumor going on that they're going to make us tuck in our shirts and wear belts just like the guys when the j1 batch come in. omg if that happened we'll look uber cute. not.

and everybody's so hyped up and excited for new year but its actually the time of the year that i dislikes the most. i mean, i dont even celebrate it. i dont even go and bai nian and stuff and my house has like, nil chinese goodies. okay fine, maybe one or two. i dont even know what for i go and buy new year clothes and everything cos obviously im not wearing it on chu yi and stuff. and what makes it worse is that during the two-day holidays everyone will be off to some relative's house and i cant even get people to go out with me.
but okay, i think im still going to go look for germaine cos she always squeezes time out for me during chu yi or chu er and its sort of like a tradition alr i guess.

im trying, but i dont know which is the right way to go.
what do i do with all the insecurities.

"i think i dont know you that well after all"
is that like a standard phrase plucked from standard book for the standard things to say? cos i hate it when i hear this, though sometimes i think i dont know myself too.

tell me what do you want me to do.

how come everything's turning out like crap in my life.

im freaking sick now.

i know i know. i've been saying it forever but its still there! i'm like sick and vomitty, and i totally hate this feeling cos it makes me feel so weak and vulnerable and helpless and alone. and its making me cry like crazy. and people keep asking me why are you crying so much but the thing is i dont even know. and i totally looked like a retard today cos i cried from the clinic all the way till melvin came. which was like freaking one hour plus. and he bluffed me please. he say he'll reach in 10+ mins but he took like at least half an hour. grr. i hate waiting for people la. and people kept staring at me wherever i went. i just couldnt stop the tears la, and at certain times i was sobbing like mad. i bet people think 'who is this crazy person doing all the crying'. and the clinic aunty who gave me my medicine even asked me 'you still feel like crying or not' when i went to collect my medicine.

and okay i really hate going to the doctor. i totally didnt know what to tell the doctor and i dont even know whats the correct questions to ask. so people, dont ask me whats wrong cos i didnt ask the doctor whats wrong. he just asked me tons of questions and said that he'll put me on one week's medication for cough , vomiting and abdominal pain and to refrain from exercising, and if the coughing still persist then i'll have to go take a x-ray. and you know what. the medicine makes me really sleepy and drowsy and my head's like kind of spinning even now.

and plus i didnt go to school today. it feels great but at the same time it made me feel really guilty cos what the shit this is A levels year and i promise to be hardworking and stuff but its not really happening so far.

and today's a bad day cos my slipper got stolen. i know you guys are going to think, 'like thats a big deal'. but it IS a big deal cos i loved that pair of flip flops. they've followed me to so many places and im so use to wearing it after training and everything and its really really comfy. and now i have to go get a new pair and im going to cry if its not as comfy as the old one.

and i just told my ahma that i need the rest of this month's pocket money on sunday and she was like "why are you spending so much money". but hello, its like actually not a lot when you think about it and thats the amount that i take every month. and she went likt, "every month take that amount means you die die must take that much meh. you can take less what." like zzz -.- zzz -.-.

and i just found a hole in the pink underwear that i just bought. and to think that i loved it so much. walao.

today's turning out great. just great. screw it.

first two day back in school feels unreal. i still cant believe that the hols are over and im back to my schedule of waking up at five thirty (or rather five forty five by the time i finally get out of bed) routine. i cant get use to the omg-oh-so-little sleeping hours and the long commuting rides.

i promised myself that i'll be super hardworking this year, and okay, at the end of the two days i would say that im like, much more attentive than last year, but i still cant help falling asleep during lectures. it doesnt help that some of them are like boring.

and i just hope and pray that i'll pass my r paper cos everybody's claiming its easy. but to me it wasnt.

and i just got my second lit play and its thick and i dont know how the hell im going to finish the two novels and the two plays and the thirty plus poems and get ready for unseen and cross-comparison. and thats just lit.

and i got back the results for this personality quiz thing that the school made us take last year. its like thirteen pages long and this is just the first half of the first page.

they make me sound like i have split personality or something cos my results are like total extremes. and they say i have unresolved problems in my life now and thats why im very restless and thats why i keep trying to stay busy so that i can use up my excess energy (or something like that).
and everything that they suggested i do in the future are jobs that i've never considered before. my mom wants me to be a teacher and it doesnt even appear in the file at all, while almost everyone else has at least a type of teaching listed in their future job possibilities.

and i can feel the A level stress piling up alr even though its only the second day of school and everyone's smiling and everything. i guess its my mother breathing down my neck.

and i cant make up my mind about something. but i guess i have to do it sooner or later.

oh and we're going ntu for hall olympiad tmr and im guessing i'll reach home really late and theres training on thurs.

oh yeah. we washed mats ytd! after so long.

hard at work cleaning mats. after earing with the smell and the dirt and the grime for so long. lol. and i cant say i contributed much aye. but im sick, people!











and people get either retarded or sexy. just like serene. xD





while some are hard at work. some are slacking and playing frisbee. how can. tsk. see. jaime's being punished.




and people get bored and start doing lame things. like pushing trolleys around while singing "you raise me up" and playing hide and seek all around school.



and im super fed up with hotmail. its stuck and not moving at all.

i just found out: R paper in LT5 tmr. it'll be cold. oh man. besides having to deal with not knowing how to answer the questions, i have to worry about my brain cells freezing. ):

got to spring clean soon cos new year's coming and ahma's nagging. even cheer is spring cleaning cos we're cleaning mats tmr.

zhicong came over for like, two hours to help me with math. but like not very efficient leh. then melvin delivered mac for encouragement for r paper tmr. and after this its back o more studying.

i want to get all As for A levels. ><
will that be wishful thinking?





jayss - the chemicals weren't mixed properly - 我不配 says:
what are you if you can't even have the chance to love the one you love.

i dont know what you'll be. but i know i'll always be here doing what a friend should do.

how do you do this?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEELING.

YOU'RE NOW OFFCIALLY EIGHTEEN. AND WE'VE OFFICIALLY BEEN FRIENDS FOR THE TENTH YEAR RUNNING. (:















many many more years of friendship to come. (((((((((((:
you've always been there for me. i'll always be here for you too.

was supposed to watch yesman today cos everybody's watched it and apparently its funny and i've been waiting since i was overseas.

but ended up watching this instead.


i've never heard of this show till i was there, and m just insisted on watching at cathay. and since yesman's not showing there anymore we decided on this. but it isnt that bad a show. i thought its some thriller or something and somebody will jump out and kill anne but they didnt. theres a twist to the show and the end made me teared.

moral of the story: treasure your love ones. i think. or maybe its dying isnt that bad after all. cos you can have sex even if you're dead.

and celebration for jac and ling's birthday was cool. got to meet up with the girls after so long and apparently somebody got attached without telling us aye. lol. and the candy floss cake was just exceptional. new york new york has really good service. or maybe thats cos there were very little customers at that time. more when jac and shir posts up the pictures. then i'll show you all the picture of bird crying. lol.

jaime just told me you can get asthma from coughing. omg is that true? if it is then im really going to see a doctor during this weekend. i thought it was getting better for a while but apparently it isnt.

but last night was an emo night for me aye. i dont even know how me and jh got started talking about it and i guess everything just followed.
"friends or not in the future, let time decide...i want to be your friend, but right now, the feelings just aint right. it's a different kind of love. i cant bring myself to face someone i truly like and treating her only as a friend."
but i thought everything was built on the friendship basis. does it mean that if we're not together, we cant be friends anymore? i dont know. maybe im just being selfish cos i didnt consider your feelings in the entire episode and only mine. i guess it was foolish of me to think that we could stay like this forever, cos forever doesnt exist anyway. i guess i've known long ago that its just a matter of time before we come to this state, but i just feel a sense of loss within, and i dont know why. its like, something is amiss.
if time is whats necessary, then let time take its healing.

the first ever chalet without bbq. haha. and i was looking forward to it la. damn. but at least eating thaipan is much much better for my cough i guess. i miss thaipan's butter squids! oh and did you know theres like two outlets now. >< i still scolded melvin for being dumb cos i insisted there was only one. lol.

and they taught me to play mahjong! although im still damn noob. i won the first three rounds please, but i think thats cos joanne was sitting beside me doing all the work. lol. once she left i started losing omg.

and damn little people turned up please. thats why got no bbq lol. but then i think small groups are nice too leh. at least we managed to do stuff tgt right. not like if you have twenty people and then you'll still end up spliting into cliques anyway.

janard dont be too qi lei! next year's class chalet kao ni le! (:

and thanks to that "small head" who sent me home even though he has work today and he need to cab back. lol. thanks mel.

okay seriously my cough is getting worse. what the hell is this you tell me. i've tried western medicine chinese medicine pi pa gao and kodomo (okay thats for fever) and still its not getting any better. im foregoing sentosa trip and tmr's chalet just because the cough's still driving me crazy.

omg tell me if this doesnt stop how do i even go for training? i wont even be able to lock cos the longest i can stop coughing for is 10seconds.

and you know its depriving me of all the nice food i want to eat. why is everybody eating what i want to eat when i CANT eat them.

and back to school in eight days omg. this year last time i would be frantically buying new stationeries. but this year, i have a brand new pencil case with ALL the stationeries you can think of inside for my birthday. including stapler refills. and colored pens and proper pens and correction fluid and eraser and ruler. lol. :)

but that also means R PAPER. sheesh. need i say more. im so unprepared.

today was really nice. went for meepok (i've been craving it again. i wanted to eat tomyum but i was sick.) and a movie with zhicong, this is like, the first time im seeing him in a bright colored shirt. omg i just realise he's so pessimistic. haha. then went to mos with feipeng so he could teach me whatever (limited) math questions that i tried and realised i dont know. and there were like, a lot.

and he said something really funny. i was asking him this graph question cos i still dont know how you map y=f(-|x|), and he went like

"for every value of y there'll be a value of x, and then if you F the whole equation you get..."

okay. i know you all dont see the joke. i feel like some childish five-year old giggling about the F word but at that time it was really funny. then after for five minutes everytime i looked into his face i got reminded about it and then i'll start laughing all over again.

okay. but seriously thanks spongy. please dont die in army.

and my mom's being irritating. its like, she's been constantly calling me to check where am i and everything. i dont know why suddenly she's being so paranoid and overprotective and naggy. i mean, yeah yeah, this is the A level year. but still. at least give me some breathing space right. i know she has my best interest at heart but she's not showing it the right way. i just feel fed up whenever the phone rings and i see her number. and when i just ignore it she'll just keep calling and calling every five minutes till i pick up. like, oh gosh.

and you know, sometimes irritating people are just funny. they act like they're all nice to you at the beginning and then when they get desperate all kinds of rubbish just comes out. why will anybody think that nudging or pestering will make someone talk to you. and he can even scold fuck to me and then still have the nerve to claim that he really like me and he did all those out of anger. like, whatever seriously.

and i still haven asked my ahma about the sushi plans cos im sick and she's really unhappy about it. not in the oh-my-granddaughter-is-sick-im-so-worried way. but the why-do-you-keep-coughing-and-still-want-to-go-out way. i even have to try and suppress my cough cos it irritates her. wth right. and okay im going to ask her by tmr or else its going to get screwed if i last minute tell them cannot.

and my math still suck. omg. im so lousy at math i cant stand it. why does anybody bother to invent such difficult math equations and theories when like you dont even use them much in real life. whats the point of studying so freaking much when you're just going to forget everything after exams. im so going to be dead if i fail my r paper im going to get grounded for life.

and i got a class award. lol.

Since we have an award for the guys, how could we forget the girls. The competition for MISS GLAMOROUS 2008 is really tight with 16 of them vie-ing for it. Though I must state that the word 'glamorous' is really ironic cause none of them fits it! (hides) But still, we have the final 3 who has the top 3 highest votes.



(left to right):

Chen Ying who has kept her looks well despite being the -ahem- oldd..oldest...LOL! Also, her skill at sa jiao-ing is really competent.

Lim Li Ling who though appears very sanpak and still is, captures many guys' attention until she starts talking.

Sarah Mei Feng the one who possesses absolute brain beauty and sweep guys off their feet.

...

Beauty Queen 2008 is awarded to..........[CHEN YING] the legacy who always look younger than the actual age.

to see the rest of the awards. go here.

and kengchong just asked if i wanted to go back for zhs's orientation. im not close to the councillors leh. but its been super long since i last went back.

im craving for kfc. ><

okay im still sick and i just hope i get well soon. like, the coughing and the fever and the headache is driving me crazy crazy crazy.

i was going to write my new year resolutions but i got too lazy and i deleted those i wrote.

but. the most important of all is

i have to study harder.

A levels is going to be hell. expecially with my knowledge (or lack there of) of the subjects that im learning right now.

thanks for all the xmas wishes and xmas cards and new year wishes. (:

first day i got back.
last day of 2008.
and im sick.

oh great.