i dont know if you're reading this. but i just assume you are, since you claim to be so tech-savvy and you know exactly whats going on everywhere.

i never told you this before because we're not exactly on speaking terms, and everytime we speak, its just polite chatter. you know i just stopped hating you a few years ago, admit it or not, i think you caused me childhood trauma. my memories of you since young were filled with immense fear and unhappiness. all those times you forced me to study ahead at a level that i completely dont understand, doing primary 3 assessment books when i was only in p1 and barely understood english. all those times you scolded me for talking back/not doing my work/not sleeping when i was supposed to. pulling me up from bed at 11pm, throwing hard-covered books at me, pulling my hair in a fit of anger, saying that im a bad person in general and i'm no good for life. i forgive you for all those things you've done, whether or not you think you're in the wrong. but it's something i dont think i'll ever ever forget.

i came to terms with everything. i got over it, prolly cos you're no longer living with me. now, i no longer fear you. but the feeling of dislike towards you will just continue for years to come.

sometimes i just feel that you're so fake you now. you pretend to be nice to me once in a while, pretend that you're a friend, you're somebody that i can go to for advice and all. but its just an act isnt it.

i heard your conversation this morning. maybe not the whole thing, but i've heard enough. i dont appreciate all those things you said about me. i'm no longer a small child that you can just order around and control.

i'm 20 and im legal. why cant i go out with friends, why is it wrong for me to take photos with them and upload them to facebook, if i have something to hide will i still be uploading them to facebook. if im uploading pictures there, they're for YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE to see. whats wrong with wearing tank tops, honestly. its not as if you dont wear them yourself. whats wrong with being still in bed at 9am, its not like im just stoning my holiday away and not working, its not as if i had late nights out playing and only got into bed at 3/4am. i dont get why you're acting like that when you yourself seemed to have gone through being a lot worse than me when you're my age.

why is it that sharon goes out with her friends, she goes clubbing, she wears makeup too, and yet, im to worse among my generation.

why is it that you can just comment serves me right for not studying when you dont see how much effort i have put into my studies for a levels. you dont see the late nights, the notes, the panic, and yet you can just brush aside all the effort spent and dismiss my attempts.

why is it that i get the feeling that you'll be secretly glad if i dont do well for a levels. you, and wen yi, and godknowswhoelse, i know you're just waiting to see me make a fool of myself, see me break down when i get bad results, cos then, you'll be able to say, "see, i told you so. i told you she's not working hard and serves her right for all this".

but other than that immediate satisfaction of knowing you're right, what else do you gain? why are you building your happiness on others misery. does gossip really brighten your life so much?

i said that retaking A levels is my last alternative if i really dont do well, it doesnt mean that I KNOW I WILL RETAKE A LEVELS. it just means that im prepared for extremes, like how when wesley couldnt make it to raffles, he have to have somewhere else to go right. its not like, he planned to go to raffles and he knows he'll get in and he just stops there without considering other choices. because he really didnt manage to get in did he. you said 258/261 was low for PSLE score, look where wesley and justin is now, and tell me that again.

for a moment there, when i was lying on my bed listening in to your conversation because i didnt want to wake up and face you, i feel the hate creeping back in.

sometimes, i feel like saying fuck you to your face.

my tutee so cute you jealous or not. (:

WALAO WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY PPSTREAM I CANT WATCH ANYTHING FROM IT CAN SOME SMART PEOPLE HELP ME SOLVE MY PROBLEM PLEASE.

walao. its either make up doesnt agree with my face or i never clean it off properly. i having pimples AGAIN leh. fml.

its you people that makes me dread cny a little less (:




On the otherhand,

GCE A Level
	The date of release of the 2009 GCE A-Level Examination results has tentatively been scheduled to fall within the period between 5 March and 9 March 2010.

does this makes you break out in cold sweat?

i read today: four things you cannot recover.

the stone after the throw.

the words after it's said.

the occasion after the loss.

the time after it's gone.

i miss you.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

thats how i feel right now y'know.